SIM Start Journal

Day 1
Ellyana- my god answers
The Lord did a great thing for me tonight. He used a crying baby, more specifically my crying daughter to bring me right back into his presence and realign me to his will.

Standing in our quiet dark room for the first night of SIM Start swinging my daughter endlessly in her car carrier so she will stop crying for our neighbors and the Lord meets me. In my frustration I begin to talk to the Lord. As I start talking I realize that my frustration and tension which is coming out is actually fear. Fear that I might say the wrong thing in an interview, fear that someone might say we can’t become missionaries, fear that someone will say it is going to take two years before anything happens. This is what I am really afraid of, I’m not really annoyed that my baby girl is crying, ok maybe just a bit because she is really heavy.

I Continue to swing her as the Lord reminds me I am focused on the wrong things. There is no man and no worldly wisdom that will tell me if and when my family is called to go, that only comes from God. My fear begins to drop off my shoulders. I realize my only mission while I am out here in North Carolina is to listen, love and obey. My job isn’t to impress anyone, its to find out what the lord is saying and to respond with and in love. This is my desire for how we will live as missionaries, as those who are sent, to listen, love and obey, for the Lords glory that others would fall in love with the Lord and his loving goodness.

But then it hits me, why only this weekend, why wait for the mission field. Why am I not living this way now. Isn’t this a call for my life, not for the future. I have told the Lord I will go anywhere, do anything any time for his glory but doesn’t that start now. What difference does it make how long we wait to get on a plane, we are in the mission field now and my job isn’t any different. Listen, love and obey. Does it really matter if I am walking through the streets of a slum or through the front doors of Flatirons Habitat, the mission is the same.

Listen, love obey.

Thank you for this gentle, not so gentle reminder of your love and your call on my life Lord. My life is yours do with it as you will, I pray the might and power of your holy spirit would enable me to live, not just talk about or dream about, but to live a life of LISTENING, LOVING AND OBEYING.